Hope hurts

It's been a rollercoaster week. I feel like this situation has me constantly feeling up and down. We started talking again mid-week after clearing out what had happened and both of us apologizing. I'm glad we can talk because I consider him a great friend and I really missed him. I helped him get through a hard time at work, but strived to keep things strictly platonic. He slipped a bit, saying he wanted a hug from me and sneaking in some compliments. It definitely wasn't the same though. It felt forced and unnatural.

Saturday, I saw he posted that he had a "real date" that night. I'm sure with the same girl. I had kind of expected this, even though I was letting myself get my hopes up that maybe we still had a chance.

What killed me was what he said in his post. He was taking her out for a sushi dinner and then to a little wine bar and he was paying. This was the exact date he said he wanted to take me on. It's still hurting.

I was definitely obsessive the past few days, trying to find out how the date went. He's given me no clues and I can't bring myself to ask him outright. He's made a few vague comments that could possibly be construed in my favor, but I have to stop doing this to myself.

In the middle of the Super Bowl, out of nowhere, he said the dog rescue commercial made him think of me. Why is he still thinking about me?

I hate being in limbo. I just want to know one way or the other. I can't keep hoping for something that is never going to happen.

This is harder than I thought it would be

After three months of almost daily contact, sweet flirting, and deeper conversations, I'm attempting to get some space from him and it's breaking my heart. I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship, that I needed to love myself and accept God's love. And yet he continued to be there. He brightened my days and made me smile unexpectedly when I was having a tough time. Suddenly, it was gone. Nine days ago, he was telling me I was beautiful and he couldn't wait to give this a shot. Five days ago, I found out he was going on a date with another girl. Three days ago, he told me "it's not you, it's the distance and the timing". But how can I believe that when less than a week earlier, you were calling me beautiful? I believed you. It's been so long since I've had this hopefulness in my heart. I gave up on the idea of finding a great guy and getting married and having babies years ago even though it was what I wanted most of all. He made me hope again. When he moved on so suddenly, he took that hope with him. I'm trying everything I can think of to stay strong. I've disconnected from him in order to get space and to avoid seeing a possible new love blossom with another girl taking the place I so wanted. I've tried to remain busy between school and friends. I've put my frustration into my workouts and let it drive me to be better. I find peace in prayer and hope that God will give me understanding. But it still hurts. My mind is used to wandering to him; I've grown accustomed to his presence in my life. Severing those ties hurts, but I feel like I need to do it for my own sake. I'm not strong enough to watch him fall in love with someone else. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I truly am. I just wish that, for once, I could be the girl in the fairytale.

Signs You Need to Go on a Date

According to Glamour.com, one of the ten signs you need to go on a date is:

The most romantic thing that’s happened to you so far this year was when Liz Lemon made out with her secret boyfriend on the season premiere of 30 Rock. Which you watched alone in bed.

Thank you for making me feel so much better about myself.

Read More http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/01/10-signs-you-need-to-go-on-a-d.html#ixzz1kneBFud7

A little something for me

I've fallen out of my blogging habit over the past two months. I had a nice pace going over at my other blog (asseenbytine.wordpress.com) where I humiliated myself publicly with tales of my weirdness. I'd still like to maintain a more public blog with humorous stories and thoughts on advertising/marketing/events, but I need a space for me. I need a space to connect with like-minded people and be more truthful and honest. I had tried to do that on my blog at one point by doing an AMA, but I was wary of telling the whole wide world some of the answers. I really admire a lot of the women I follow here on blogger and they've inspired me to open up more. So here goes nothing...

Visit me at my blog!

I use blogger so I can follow some awesome people who are not on wordpress, but my real blog is HERE. Come on in, the water's fine!